The Little Mermaid the real one

Griffin: Welcome to Stories for Robots. I'm Griffin Schwed, your host and storyteller. Join me as I share some of humanity's most timeless tales with two silly robots who are trying to understand human culture by exploring fairy tales, folklore, and historical events from around the world. In Season 1, we're diving into stories you know, or at least you think you do. We're going back to the original versions of classic tales made famous by animated movies. But these original stories are pretty different from the versions you grew up with. My two robot friends have no idea what's coming, and honestly, you probably don't either. Ready to meet them? Okay, everyone. Why don't you introduce yourselves?

Vector: Greetings. I am Vector. I am interested in human customs and traditions. Fun fact: did you know that some humans like to make a meal of their own boogers? They pick them and eat them and find them delicious.

Griffin: Well, I don't know if that's totally true, but let's move on. Spark?

Spark: Yes. I'm Spark, and I am so excited to be here. I love humans. I'm really interested in human emotions. As robots, we're, like, totally perfect and know everything and have great judgment, but I just love how humans are always falling in love and messing everything up and making terrible decisions. It's so cute.

Vector: I also applaud humans for navigating the world in their awkward flesh-based bodies. Good for you. Metal is superior. I enjoy a titanium blend…

Griffin: Thank you. That's enough metal talk, Vector. Okay, today's story is The Little Mermaid, written by Hans Christian Andersen in Denmark nearly 200 years ago in 1836. Now, Andersen had an interesting path to becoming a writer. His father, Hans Andersen, let's call him Big Hans, was a shoemaker. He didn't make a lot of money, and he kinda hated his job, but he had this huge imagination. So Big Hans spent most of his free time reading to Little Hans, inventing stories and putting on plays in a homemade puppet theater. Unfortunately, Big Hans died when Little Hans was just 11 years old.

Spark: Vector, are you crying?

Vector: I am not crying. You are crying. Robots do not cry.

Griffin: mm-hmm. The silver lining is that little Hans was hooked on telling stories. A lot of his stories include themes like loneliness and feeling like an outsider.

Spark: Does that make them more relatable even though they're kinda sad?

Vector: Not to me. I have lots of friends.

Spark: Really? Like who besides me?

Vector: So many. Can't possibly count. Well, there's Blinky, Metal Boy, Maximo 12000-

Griffin: All right, Vector, that's enough. We believe you. So without further ado, let's dive right in.

Vector: Awesome swimming pun detected.

Griffin: Thanks, buddy. This story begins deep, deep under the ocean.

Vector: Blub, blub, blub.

Griffin: Wait, Vector, what are you doing?

Vector: I am doing the sound effects.

Griffin: No, Vector, I'll do that later. You just listen.

Vector: Okay… blub.

Griffin: Vector. Okay. As I mentioned, this story begins deep under the ocean. Here, at the very bottom of the sea, there's a kingdom of happy merpeople ruled by a powerful old Mer-King. Now, the Mer-King's wife died long ago, so his mother runs the palace. And the Mer-King has six daughters who are pretty much the boss of him. And while each daughter is beautiful and charming, the youngest is most beautiful and charming of all.

Spark: Love that for her. Does she have a name?

Griffin: Nope. Anderson never gives her one. She's just the little mermaid or the youngest princess throughout the whole story.

Spark: Weird.

Vector: Yes. Most humans have names, even if they make no sense, like Keith or Jennifer or Dingus.

Griffin: Dingus isn't… Eh, never mind. Anyway, the palace is magnificent. It has these huge halls where flowers and colorful corals grow right out of the walls. And the princesses love to open the windows so that fish swim in and out, like birds might if we left our windows open.

Vector: That is unhygienic. Fun fact: pigeons are the trash cans of the open skies.

Griffin: Harsh but fair, Vector. Anyway, the Little Mermaid is obsessed with the human world. She thinks about them all the time.

Spark: OMG, me too. Like, why do some humans have so much hair while others have such shiny bald heads?

Griffin: Spark, stay focused. The Little Mermaid is not thinking about that. But because she's so curious, she spends hours with her grandmother asking about everything. By the time she's a teenager, she knows pretty much all there is to know about humans. But she's never met one or even seen one, because in the mer kingdom, you're not allowed to go to the surface until you're fifteen. This is especially frustrating for the Little Mermaid because she's the youngest. After years of waiting, the day finally arrives. But before she can go up, there's a whole long ceremony she has to sit through where her grandmother decorates her tail with seashells.

Spark: No offense, Granny, but shake a leg. This girl needs to get to the surface!

Griffin: The Little Mermaid agrees, and as soon as the ceremony is done, she races to the surface. She arrives just as the sun is setting. The clouds are pink and gold. The air is warm and still. Right next to her is a large ship, barely moving in the calm evening. And the people on the ship are having a party. Music is playing, everyone is singing, and as it gets dark, they light hundreds of colored lanterns. The Little Mermaid swims right up to the cabin windows, and every time a wave lifts her, she can peek inside. Among the partygoers, she spots a handsome young prince with big, dark eyes. It's his 16th birthday, and the party is for him.

Vector: Total hunk alert.

Spark: Ooh, they share a birthday. So romantic. I wonder what sign they are.

Griffin: When the prince comes on deck, they shoot off fireworks. The Little Mermaid has never seen fireworks before. At first, she's terrified and ducks underwater. But eventually, she peeks back up and sees the sky filled with streaks of light, spinning wheels of fire, and explosions of every color. She's mesmerized, not just by the fireworks, but by the prince himself.

Spark: Oh yeah, she's in love.

Griffin: She watches for hours as they celebrate. Even when the party winds down, she can't stop staring at the prince. And then she notices something. The waves are getting bigger. The wind is picking up. Dark clouds are gathering. The sailors rush to take down the sails. The ship is rocking violently. Then, crack, lightning splits the sky. The waves are as tall as mountains now, lifting the ship up and dropping it into valleys of water. The mast snaps in half. Water pours into the ship, and the little mermaid is having a great time.

Spark: Uh, what now?

Vector: I see, mermaids hate humans.

Griffin: No, no, no. It's not because she hates humans. It's because mermaids love storms. She's having such a great time riding the waves and watching the show. But then she remembers, humans can't breathe underwater, and they're not that great at swimming either. If the ship sinks, everyone will drown, including the prince. She sees him in the water struggling. He's strong, but his arms and legs are getting tired. All of a sudden, he's sinking.

Spark: Save him. Do it. Use your big, beautiful tail.

Vector: Yes, save him. His inferior non-metal body is puny and weak.

Griffin: Vector, come on, we're land animals. Anyway, she does save him. She dives through the falling planks and sinking debris, grabs the prince, and holds his head above water. All night long, she swims with him in her arms, keeping him alive while the storm rages. Just as she's losing her strength, the sun begins to rise, and she sees land. Despite her weariness, she's dazzled by the scene. Mountains capped with snow, green forests, and a white building near the beach with lemon and orange trees in the garden. It's more beautiful than she'd imagined. She swims the prince to shore and carefully places him on the warm sand. She looks down at him lovingly, but can't tell whether he's dead or alive.

Vector: She should try turning him off and then on again, or blow on him, or put him in an enormous bowl of rice.

Griffin: If only it were that simple, Vector. All of a sudden, she hears people coming. She quickly swims behind some rocks and covers herself with seafoam so that no one will see her. She's worried she'll scare them if they do. A beautiful young woman comes out of the building and finds the prince. She leans over to see if he's alive, and the prince wakes up. Gazing up at this beautiful other woman, he smiles. He thinks she saved him.

Spark: What? What a faker. Little mermaid, you saved him. Tell him!

Griffin: She can't bring herself to do anything. She's worried he'll be afraid of her, so she keeps hidden as the other woman takes the prince inside. Finally, she swims back to her kingdom, heartbroken. Back home, she becomes quiet and sad. Her sisters ask what she saw up there, but she won't tell them. She goes back to that beach again and again, but she never sees him. Her only comfort is sitting alone in a little garden she keeps. Every day, she cries and hugs a statue of a young boy she rescued from a sunken ship.

Spark: That is the saddest thing ever. Oh, oh! Let me guess. The statue turns into, like, a merman version of the prince, and they fall in love and get married and have lots of little merbabies and live happily ever after. The end.

Griffin: Well, not quite. But she does finally tell her sisters about what happened. And luckily, one of them knows who the prince is and where he lives. Once the little mermaid finds his palace, she goes there every night, swimming right up into a little river that flows under his balcony. She watches him standing in the moonlight and sailing in his boat. Sometimes she even follows fishing boats just to hear the humans talk about how wonderful the prince is.

Vector: I see. When a human loves another human, it is normal to creepily stare at them and follow them around everywhere.

Spark: Hmm. Maybe not totally normal, but she's in love, so I'm gonna give her a pass. And this is perfect for her. Oh, oh, she's totally gonna sing to him while he's hanging out on the balcony, and then he'll lean super far over and fall in headfirst, and then he'll be all wet and drowning and looking really good, and she'll save him. And then they'll smooch and high-five, and he'll fall completely in love with her and get married. The end.

Griffin: Good guess, but no. As the little mermaid watches the prince, she becomes more and more fascinated with the human world. It seems so much bigger and more exciting than the ocean. She has so many questions.

Vector: Yes, me too. Like, what is up with pants?

Griffin: Right. Anyway, one day, she asks her grandmother, "Do humans live forever?" " No," says Grandmother. "Humans are like babies compared to us. We live for three hundred years. The only problem is that when we die, we turn into sea foam. We don't have immortal souls. Humans die sooner, but their souls live forever in the stars. Lucky for us, we have gorgeous tails, and they have ugly feet." The little mermaid is devastated. " Why don't we have souls?" "We just don't. But we live longer, and we're happier, and we're better looking and can sing better, too," says Grandmother. "

Vector: I like this granny.

Griffin: The little mermaid asks, "Is there any way for a mermaid to get a soul?" " Only one way," Grandmother says. " If a human loved you more than anything, more than their parents, more than their own life, and if they married you, then their soul would flow into you and you'd share it. But that's impossible. Humans think our tails are ugly. They love their legs."

Spark: Rude.

Vector: Also confusing because legs are weird. Have you ever looked at a toe with those tiny nails? Freaky.

Griffin: Okay, also rude. Anyway, so that night, the king throws a huge party at the palace. As usual, the little mermaid is asked to sing because everyone knows she has the best voice in the kingdom. And when she finishes, the ballroom erupts with applause.

Vector: I too have an excellent singing voice. La, la, la, la…

Spark: No!

Griffin: Thank you, Spark. In that moment, the little mermaid is almost happy, but she can't stop thinking about the prince and the soul she'll never have. So while everyone celebrates, she sneaks out and heads to the home of the infamous Sea Witch. Now, nobody goes to the Sea Witch's neighborhood, and for good reason. It's past a bunch of massive whirlpools that suck in anything that gets too close. And if you get past those, you enter a forest of polypi. Now, these are super gross, half plant, half animal things that you do not want to mess around with. They look kind of like trees, except instead of a trunk, it's a giant sea snake with razor-sharp teeth. Oh, and instead of branches, it's hundreds of slimy arms that grab and kill anything that passes.

Spark: I will never look at trees the same way again.

Vector: It would be cooler if it had laser arms.

Griffin: Mm-hmm. The little mermaid is terrified but determined. She ties her hair up tight so the polypi can't grab it, crosses her arms over her chest, and swims as fast as she can. She sees the polypi holding bones of drowned sailors, ship parts, and worst of all, a dead mermaid. But the little mermaid never quits. Finally, she reaches a clearing where she finds a house made of human bones collected from shipwrecks. And there is the sea witch, letting a toad eat from her mouth while poisonous snakes crawl all over her. Oh, and by the way, she calls the snakes her "little chickens".

Vector: This must be customary in mermaid culture.

Spark: Nope, hard pass.

Griffin: Yeah, no, it's messed up even in mermaid culture. " I know what you want," says the witch right away. "You want legs. You want that prince. You want a soul. It is very stupid of you, but I'll help you, even though it will probably destroy you." The witch explains the deal. She'll make a potion that will split the mermaid's tail into legs, but there's a catch. Every step will feel like walking on sharp knives. She'll still be graceful. In fact, she'll be the best dancer anyone's ever seen, but it's gonna be really, really painful. " Also," says the witch, "once you become human, you can never be a mermaid again. If the prince marries someone else, the morning after his wedding, your heart will break, and you'll turn into seafoam. And one last little thing," says the witch, " My payment, it's not much. I want your voice. I'll have to take your tongue."

Spark: What in the…

Griffin: What is that sound?

Vector: Sorry, I sat on one of my buttons.

Griffin: Spark, what were you saying?

Spark: I was asking, what in the world is she thinking? What kind of deal is that?

Vector: The deal is she gets legs and a chance to earn a soul in exchange for eternal pain, no tongue, no speaking, no way to turn back into a mermaid, and immediate death if he marries someone else. Does that answer your question?

Spark: It was a rhetorical question, Vector. No need to answer.

Vector: I like to answer.

Spark: She's not really gonna do this, is she?

Griffin: Let's find out "But then how will I win the prince?" asks the little mermaid. " You will have your beauty, your grace, your expressive eyes. That should be enough," says the witch.

Spark: That does not sound like enough.

Griffin: Personally, I agree, but the Little Mermaid is determined to make it work, so she takes the deal.

Spark: Noooooo. Oh, oh, maybe she actually has her fingers and, like, flippers crossed, and she tricks the witch, and she gets her super cool legs, but none of the terrible stuff. Right? Please say yes.

Griffin: The witch makes the potion. She throws in snakes, poisonous toads, and all kinds of horrible things. She cuts her own chest and drips her black blood into it. The steam makes shapes like screaming ghosts, and when it's done, it looks clear as water. Then the witch takes the little mermaid's tongue.

Spark: She really did it.

Vector: I am going to be sick. Ha ha, just kidding. Only puny humans get sick.

Griffin: Mm-hmm. Now, the little mermaid can't speak or sing. She takes the potion and swims back through the forest of polypi. This time, they're so scared of the potion, they shrink away from her, and she passes through easily. Back at the palace, the party is over. Everyone's asleep. The little mermaid wants to say goodbye, but she can't even speak. So with tears in her eyes, she swims up to the human world.

Vector: I wonder how much of the ocean is made of mermaid tears.

Griffin: That's a delightfully weird question.

Vector: Thank you.

Griffin: It's probably a really small amount. But here's the bad news.

Spark: The prince is actually a merman?

Griffin: What? No. That's the end of episode one.

Spark: What?!

Vector: Come on.

Griffin: I know, I know. But don't worry. In episode two, you'll hear the second half of the story. Oh, at the end-

Spark: No spoilers, please.

Griffin: I wasn't gonna.

Vector: You are a terrible liar.

Griffin: Hey, if you enjoyed this episode of Stories for Robots, take a minute to support the show. First, follow the show wherever you're listening.

Spark: Oh yeah, do that now. It takes, like, three seconds.

Griffin: Second, please, please, please share the show or this episode with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Vector: Yes, hit that school WhatsApp chat.

Spark: Oh! Or post to that parenting Facebook group.

Vector: Or text your cousin Billy, whose kids watch too much YouTube.

Griffin: And finally, give the show a five-star rating wherever you're listening.

Spark: That's it?

Griffin: That's it. Thanks for making it possible to keep this show coming.

Vector: Stories for Robots was created by Griffin Schwed. Special thanks to Jack, Chloe, and Annie Farber for editorial consultation and moral support. This episode was written and produced by Griffin Schwed. Griffin Schwed is the editor with editing help from Griffin Schwed. Voices are performed by Griffin Schwed. Hey, these credits are ridiculous. I'm not reading these.

Spark: Yeah, why would you write them this way, dude? You could just say Griffin Schwed created the show.

Griffin: If you'd like to support or learn more about the show, visit www.storiesforrobots.com. Email hello@storiesforrobots.com if you have questions, feedback, or ideas for the show. I'd love to hear from you.

Vector: Robot disclosure. My voice and Spark's voice are given a beautiful robot makeover using AI technology. That is why we sound so cool and good.

Spark: We really do. Oh, and the background music was also created using AI tech.

Griffin: Welcome back to Stories for Robots. I'm Griffin Schwed, your host and storyteller. Join me as I share some of humanity's most timeless tales with two silly robots who are trying to understand human culture by exploring fairy tales, folklore, and historical events from around the world. In season one, we're diving into stories you know, or at least you think you do. We're going back to the original versions of classic tales made famous by animated movies. But these original stories are pretty different from the versions you grew up with. Last time, we heard part one of the real story of "The Little Mermaid." If you missed that episode, pause this, go back, and check it out.

Spark: Seriously, or else you're gonna miss, like, the whole mermaid part.

Vector: True dat.

Spark: Oh, in case anyone listening, like, kinda forgot what happened last time, I'll tell you. So, the Little Mermaid is super pretty and a super good singer, but she falls in love with a human prince, so she's like, " OMG, I have to go up to the human world." So she makes a deal with an evil sea witch to get some sweet, sweet legs. But in exchange, it hurts a lot when she walks, and she can't talk anymore. When we left off, she was just leaving the mermaid world behind and swimming up to the prince's palace with her magic leg potion.

Griffin: Awesome recap. So the sun isn't up yet when she reaches the palace. As first light begins to brighten the sky, she sits on the marble steps and drinks the potion. For a few seconds, nothing. Then it feels like a sword is cutting through her. She passes out from the pain. But when she wakes up, the sun is shining and the prince is standing over her. She looks down. She has legs. Beautiful, delicate legs. Oh, and she's completely naked and has to wrap herself in her long hair.

Spark: Awkward.

Vector: Good for her. I never really understood pants. Who needs them?

Griffin: The prince asks, "Who are you? Where did you come from?" She can't answer, obviously. She just looks at him with her deep blue eyes. He helps her stand and, well, every single step is like walking on knives, just like the witch said, but she doesn't let it show. The prince takes her to the palace. He gives her fabulous clothes. Everyone is amazed by her beauty and grace. She's the loveliest person they've ever seen. There's only one problem. She's completely silent. That night at dinner, the Little Mermaid dances. It's her only real way of expressing herself, and she's enchanting despite the pain in her feet. The prince is totally charmed, but unfortunately, the feelings he develops for her are not the kind she's hoping for.

Spark: Oh, no, what are we talking about here?

Griffin: Well, for one thing, he begins calling her his foundling.

Vector: What is a foundling?

Griffin: It means someone you found and took in, maybe like a stray puppy or something.

Vector: This is an accurate descriptor for her. This seems good and acceptable.

Spark: Oh, Vector, you don't understand. That's like a nickname you might give your annoying little sister or a pet dog, not someone you might wanna marry.

Griffin: And it gets worse. He says he wants her to stay with him forever.

Spark: Aww.

Griffin: But she only gets permission to sleep outside his door on a pillow.

Vector: The arrangement seems comfortable and practical. I do not understand the issue.

Griffin: Despite everything, the little mermaid is happy with the prince. Together, they explore the countryside on horseback, riding through forests and climbing mountains. They pass many happy hours together each day, and she sees the wonders of land she had dreamed of her entire life. She is enchanted by the smell of the woods, the feeling of gentle breeze and sunlight on her skin. One day, after the little mermaid and the prince return from their adventures, she goes to the marble steps leading down to the sea and cools her burning feet in the cold water. That's when she sees her sisters in the waves. They tell her how sad everyone is and how much they miss their little sister. From then on, they visit every night. This goes on for some time, and as the little mermaid falls more deeply in love with the prince, he grows fonder of her too. But as you've already pointed out, he loves her in the way you might love a sweet, good child, like a little sister.

Spark: Oh no, she's in the friend zone.

Vector: The friend zone sounds like an excellent zone for humans. Humans love friends.

Spark: But Vector, she doesn't want to be his friend. She wants to be his wife. She needs him to put a ring on it or she will literally turn into seafoam. No soul, no hunky husband, nothing.

Griffin: Yep. One day the prince tells her, " You're so dear to me. You have the kindest heart. You're devoted to me, and you know what? You remind me of a young woman I saw once. I was in a shipwreck and she saved my life. She's the only one I could ever love, and you almost look like her."

Spark: This man is dense. But also, girl, why can't you just write it down? I'm the one who saved you. I love you. Draw a picture or something.

Griffin: Now that's a good question. It does seem like that would solve everything. Maybe mermaids don't know how to write? But in any case, in this story, she's stuck trying to communicate with the prince with her expressive eyes. And the prince is not getting the message. One day, not long after the prince confesses his love for the mystery girl, the king and queen announce it's time for the prince to get married. They've arranged for him to meet the neighboring kingdom's princess. The prince tells the little mermaid, " I have to go meet her, but they can't make me marry her. I can't possibly love her. She won't look like the temple girl. You look more like her. If I had to choose, I'd choose you."

Vector: Understood. In human culture, if you can't marry the person you actually love, it is desirable to marry someone who kinda looks like that person.

Spark: Nope, that is very odd.

Griffin: Yeah, that's not at all normal. In any case, they sail together to the neighboring kingdom. It's a long journey, and the prince and the little mermaid spend a lot of time together. He's tender towards her, kissing her forehead and playing with her hair. She dreams of a future where they're together, happy as husband and wife. When they arrive and the princess appears, the little mermaid has to admit she's absolutely gorgeous. And then the prince gasps. "It's you," he cries. "You're the one who saved me from drowning. You're the girl from the temple."

Spark: Nooo.

Griffin: The princess explains that she was at the temple for her education, but now she's back. The prince is overjoyed. He tells the little mermaid, "I'm the happiest man alive. We'll be married at once, and I know you'll be happy for me because you care for me more than anyone."

Spark: I'm sorry, the nerve of this guy. He does not deserve her.

Griffin: Yeah, but the little mermaid isn't bitter. She kisses his hand even as she can feel her heart breaking. She knows she'll never marry the prince, which means that very soon she'll turn into seafoam. Well, the prince and the princess arrange to get married right away, like immediately. And the next thing the little mermaid knows, she's the maid of honor holding the bride's train during the ceremony.

Vector: Wait.

Griffin: Yes, Vector?

Vector: A train would be too large and heavy for a notably small mermaid to carry.

Griffin: Oh, yeah, not that kind of train. A bride's train is just part of her dress. It drags behind her when she walks, so the little mermaid is just holding it up off the floor.

Vector: I knew that. Continue.

Griffin: Anyway, that night, the wedding party is on a ship. It's a lot like the first night she saw the prince, with fireworks and music all night long. And despite the horrible feeling that it's her last night alive, the little mermaid dances while the prince and princess watch admiringly.

Spark: Um, doesn't he know that she sacrificed everything for him? Her family, her voice, her tongue, her beautiful tail? This man is clueless and he does not deserve her.

Griffin: It's true. But in this moment, the little mermaid feels nothing but love and tenderness towards him. Despite her disappointment, both at losing the prince and missing her chance to have a soul, she feels at peace. Finally, the prince and his bride head to their tent. The party ends. The ship goes quiet. The little mermaid leans on the railing, looking east at the lightening sky. She knows that at sunrise, in just a few minutes, she'll turn into seafoam and be gone forever. Then she sees a ripple in the water. It's her sisters, and they're completely bald.

Vector: Smart, a bald, shiny dome allows for faster swimming.

Spark: Wait, what? Why?

Griffin: The eldest calls out, "We're here to save you. We sold our hair to the Sea Witch. She gave us this magic knife. Before the sun rises, you have to stab the prince. Once you do that, you'll turn back into a mermaid, and you can come home. Hurry. Either he dies or you die. Look, the sky is getting light. Hurry." They toss her the knife and disappear.

Vector: For all that hair, it seems like they could have secured better terms, perhaps a deal involving less murder. Why did they do that?

Griffin: Well, her sisters still love her. They want to save her life and bring her home, even if it means making another terrible deal with the Sea Witch.

Spark: What's she gonna do? She's not a murderer. She can't kill him, can she?

Griffin: Let's find out. So the little mermaid holds the knife. She pulls back the tent curtain. The prince and princess are sleeping, his head on her shoulder. The little mermaid's hand shakes. She looks at the prince, who whispers his bride's name in his sleep. She kisses his forehead. She looks at the sky getting brighter and holds the knife in her trembling hand. Finally, she raises the knife high into the air and throws it into the ocean. It's over. She would never kill the prince, even to save herself. But before the sun comes up and she turns into seafoam, she wants to feel the cool ocean water on her skin one last time. So she takes a final look at the prince and jumps overboard into the sea.

Spark: Um,

Vector: Thoughtful not to get sea foam all over the party boat.

Griffin: Hold on. She starts to feel her body dissolving into sea foam. But then something strange happens. The sun rises, but she doesn't feel dead. She looks up and sees hundreds of transparent, beautiful beings floating in the air. She realizes she's like them now, transparent and floating. " What's happening? Who are you?" she asks. And she has a voice. Not like her old one, but it's beautiful, almost like an angel.

Vector: That makes a lot of sense. And by a lot of sense, I mean no sense at all.

Spark: Yeah buddy, is she dead or not dead?

Griffin: Good questions. She's not exactly dead, but she's not exactly alive either. She's become something new, a spirit. Let me let them explain. "We are the daughters of the air," they answer. "We came to save you. You see, mermaids don't have souls, and neither do we. But we can earn souls by doing good deeds. We think you deserve to earn one too. Here's the deal. We do nice stuff like cooling down the air in really hot countries and spreading flower perfume to help people heal. And then after three hundred years of doing nice things like that, we get souls and go to heaven."

Vector: Question: How important is flower perfume to global human health and happiness?

Griffin: Yeah, it wouldn't be my top issue, but I feel like their little fairy hearts are in the right place.

Spark: Okay, but wait, just confirming, she's not dead, right?

Griffin: Not dead, but also not alive. She's a spirit, kinda like a friendly ghost who has the chance to earn a soul.

Spark: Got it.

Griffin: Good, because it's a little confusing. The Little Mermaid looks down at the ship. The prince and princess are staring sadly at the sea. It's almost as if they know she jumped overboard. The Little Mermaid floats over to the pair, kisses the bride's forehead, smiles at the prince, and rises with the other spirits into the clouds. " Three hundred years and we'll be in heaven," the Little Mermaid says with tears of joy and relief in her eyes. "Maybe sooner," a companion whispers. " When we fly invisibly through human homes and see good children who make their parents happy, our time gets shortened by a year. But when we see bad children, we cry, and every tear adds a day to our three hundred years." The end.

Spark: Wait, what? Really? So she just becomes an air fairy and gets a soul after three hundred years of random good deeds?

Griffin: Well, yeah.

Spark: I don't really know how I feel about that. Like, was that a happy ending? She doesn't get to be with the prince, but she does get to earn a soul, which is what she really wanted. So, like, kinda happy ending?

Griffin: Spark, I think you're onto something. It's not really a happy ending, but it's not exactly tragic either. Remember how I said Andersen felt like an outsider? He actually experienced the pain of loving someone who didn't love him back. Some people think the Little Mermaid is meant to be him, voiceless and super sad, watching the person she loves choose someone else, and then finding meaning anyway.

Vector: The most important information is that children must be good or the air fairies will be sad.

Griffin: I'm not sure that's the main lesson, but I bet little Hans thought parents would appreciate that.

Spark: Well, I'm happy for the Little Mermaid. The prince didn't deserve her anyway, and now she gets to do good deeds and her soul lives on forever.

Vector: And she doesn't have to deal with having a puny human body. Also pants. No more confusing pants.

Griffin: Uh, yeah. Well said. Make sure you come back for the next episode. I'll be telling the absolute classic story that everybody loves, Aschenputtel.

Spark: Huh?

Vector: What is that?

Griffin: That's the German name for Cinderella.

Vector: Your German accent is terrible.

Griffin: How do you know?

Vector: My uncle is German.

Griffin: That doesn't make sense. Whatever. To make sure you don't miss Cinderella like you've never heard it before, hit follow wherever you're listening. That way, the next episode of Stories for Robots will automatically drop into your feed next week.

Spark: Also, please share the show with your friends.

Vector: Yes, shout about it in public places or other normal human things.

Spark: And give us a five-star rating while you're at it. It helps other families find us.

Griffin: Stories for Robots was created, performed, and produced by me, Griffin Schwed. Special thanks to Jack, Chloe, and Annie Farber for editorial consultation and moral support. If you'd like to support or learn more about the show, visit www.storiesforrobots.com. Email hello@storiesforrobots.com if you have questions, feedback, or ideas for the show. I'd love to hear from you.

Vector: Griffin.

Griffin: Yeah?

Vector: How many mermaids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spark: Ooh, I think I know this one.

Vector: What one? I must know the answer.

Spark: That's not a joke? Probably just one, Vector. They have hands.

Griffin: Well, hang on. Are they underwater or on land?

Vector: Underwater… Robot disclosure. My voice and Spark's voice are given a beautiful robot makeover using AI technology. That is why we sound so cool and good.

Spark: We really do. Oh, and the background music was also created using AI tech.