Listen everywhere

Griffin: In a world where human behavior is confusing and weird.

Vector: I do not understand pants.

Griffin: Vector, not now. Two robots are doing the best they can to figure it all out.

Spark: Okay, but is salad lettuce or is it like meat and mayonnaise and pasta?

Griffin: Guys, guys, you gotta stop interrupting. I’m trying to do my trailer narrator guy voice.

Spark: Is that what that was?

Vector: You sound like you need medical attention.

Griffin: Fine, I’ll just use my normal voice. I’m Griffin Schwed. Each week, join me, Spark, and Vector on Stories for Robots, a new show where I’ll be telling some of humanity’s greatest and most timeless stories to these two bolt buckets.

Vector: That is extremely offensive in robot culture. We prefer the chrome and cadmium community.

Griffin: Sorry. In season one, I’ll be telling the real stories behind the movies just about every human on Earth has seen.

Spark: We’re talking Aladdin, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast.

Griffin: Yeah, and the originals are pretty different from the ones you know. For example, the real Little Mermaid has serious competition from another princess.

Spark: Hey, no spoilers.

Griffin: I wasn’t gonna. Oh, and the real Cinderella? No fairy godmother at all. The magic comes from a bird that lives in a tree.

Spark: Oh yeah, but we like to think of her as a fairy godpigeon.

Griffin: And Aladdin? Did you know there were actually two genies and multiple evil wizards?

Vector: Fun fact: all wizards have terrible facial hair.

Griffin: Right. Every episode, you’ll hear the real story, weird parts included, alongside two robots hearing it for the first time.

Vector: You will laugh until your arms fall off.

Griffin: That is not a thing.

Vector: You will laugh until you barf.

Griffin: Legally, I can’t promise that, but maybe. Parents, your kids are gonna wanna hear this show, and so are you. These original versions of the classics are timeless, weird, completely enchanting, and nothing like you remember. So press follow wherever you’re listening, and episode one of Stories for Robots will show up in your feed all by itself this fall.

Vector: Press it now before you forget.

Spark: Oh yeah, if you don’t follow now, you’re totally gonna forget.

Vector: How many gigabytes of RAM do humans have?

Spark: It doesn’t work that way. They remember what they want and forget everything else.

Vector: Fascinating. So inferior.

Spark: Yeah, but they’re so cute. I love them.